It was brought to my attention that tonight Shawn Thornton was at the Boston Pops reading his rendition of “Twas the Night before Christmas.” Sadly, I was up to my ears in holiday parties and was unable to attend the concert. A few people on Twitter suggested a Thornton parody, and it literally popped into my head. I spent the next few minutes transcribing it on Twitter. I had to stop intermittently from laughing. While writing it out, I heard the entire thing in Shawn Thornton’s voice and it made it all that much more hilarious.
I promised a few friends on Twitter and at work that I would reprint the whole thing in one blog. Please consider this my promise kept to you.
Twas the Night Before Hockey – by Shawn Thornton(or as I heard it in my mind)
Twas the night without hockey
and I’m filled with dismay.
My teammates in Europe
So back in Boston I sit and I wait
For news from the union so I can go out and skate.
I lie in my bed, in all black and gold,
To dream of my job where its always kept cold.
From the depths of night, there came such a noise!
Was it Marchy and Segs those troublesome boys?
I crept down the stairs, as quick as a fox.
Thinking “Does decking a robber score time in the box?”
I peered at the lights, and I was amazed.
Behold, a man in red, with his eyes all ablaze.
Was this Dear Santa that I came upon?
“Fehr.” the elf said, “But just call me Don.”
“I know you’re not happy, and you’re missing the B’s.
But hey sport at least your name isn’t Timmy.”
So I went to the kitchen to grab us a beer
and we talked of a season that soon would be here.
“So Don,” I asked kindly as I guzzled my brew
“Is it you I must thank for this season anew?”
“Alas, nay.” said Don as he sat down with a frown.
“Both Bettman and I were laughed out of town.”
‘Does this mean Bettman will soon get the boot?”
‘Same odds as a Seguin paternity suit.”
So I thanked Don for his time, and I showed him the door.
Grateful that I would play hockey once more.
“Will Santa stop by now that we’ve accomplished our goal?”
“as soon as he gives Bettman those four tons of coal.”
So the story ends, and I say goodnight
For we all now have hockey, and I get to fight.