Tomorrow is the big day and you don’t even have a costume yet. Either you forgot… or you didn’t care until that cute girl from Econ 101 hinted at going to the big party at the soccer house(pfff). Regardless, it’s time for a little last minute magic. Hark back to the Bruins 2011 Cup run, with their 7th game stunners and overtime heart stoppers for a little inspiration. Hockey players never say die! Even on halloween.
The Great Zamboni: Grab a large box and, looking at it the long way, cut a hole in the top. Let the flaps hang down in the front and on the sides, but rip the back one off. Now, punch a hole in one side of the removed flap, tie a string, loop it through your belt holes, and tie the other end around a second cardboard hole (still with me?), giving enough slack to let the piece trail behind you. Paint the big box black and gold, slap on a B’s logo and throw it over your head. Instant Zamboni!
Mmm-mmm Good: Head to the store and pick up a tomato can costume. Stitch in a piece of white fabric near the top (stay classy, don’t tape on a piece of notebook paper) and scrawl in “Gregory” for some hearty Campbell soup. Bonus? Grab a spoon costume and some hockey gloves for your lady friend.
Molar of a Man: Don’t have any soup cans at I-party? Your good friend soupy already call the idea? Since like, 4th grade? No problems. Go for the tooth costume instead. Add a bruins patch, a black eye, and a stick and you’ve got Adam McQuaid’s missing chiclet. Want to really impress? Buy about $54 worth of wigs and fashion a rockin’ mullet off the back of that thing.
Wicked Witch: You’re going to need nose warts, half a bald cap, bad teeth, a slimy suit, and a misguided judgement of your self worth. Instant Gary Bettman. Add a resume and welfare forms for comedic relief. It’s funny… but not really.
The Horror, The Horror: This one may be too scary, even for adults. Pick up a calender at the dollar store and mark off all of the Bruins games between October and April. Then, fill in a potential Stanley Cup run. Lastly, take all of the pages between October and June out and tape them all over your body. Add some chains for good measure and a few question marks. Close your eyes and step in front of a mirror. Take a deep breath for what you’re about to see. One… two …. three….. behold! Another lost season!
Hockey Halloween everyone!